As you can see from my last post, I’m feeling depressed, and I don’t even know why. It’s strange, really? Today I got over 300 views on my blog because I updated Clash of Tides. It makes me happy that my readers are still enjoying the story, and are reading the chapters on WordPress. Why the dark emotions if readers are enjoying my work? Fear, I would say.
Yesterday, when I was reviewing the chapter, I was deadly afraid to post it. When I mean afraid, I was scared. My mind ruminated on thoughts like:
“This is a horrible chapter!”
“What were you thinking having him show up?”
“This is so poorly written, go back and review basic grammar and spelling.”
It was tough – like there was a storm of negativity going through my mind. As writers, I’m sure we all go through that. I can’t even imagine what professional, published writers experience. How do you get over the fear that your next book or chapter won’t be good? If you are a confident writer, surely those thoughts wouldn’t bother you.
As I was writing Clash of Tides chapter 17 part 2, I kept wondering if the story was going in the right direction. In the end, I know where I want Elena, Assan, Seidon, Mika and Lucas to be, but there are so many paths they can take to get there. Their paths in the story are their lives, like how there are many paths we can take in real life.
Hmm, directing someone towards the correct path scares me. As writers, we are directing our characters to the path we want them to be, while also showing their lives to our readers…yikes! No wonder I was feeling so gloomy…I even spoke with one my friends who is also a writer about my concerns. She told me I was overthinking things, and I should calm down.
Maybe a Simpson’s gif of Marge writing her story will help ease the burden.
Perhaps this is me needing to push through the storm, and keep Elena on the steady course. There are my paths for Elena to take. And like Marge said, “when you write, you can let your imagination run wild.” Maybe I need to keep letting my imagination run wild, envisioning all the different roads for Elena to walk. Surely, one of those roads will steer me in the right direction.
To my fellow writers, how do you get over this fear? The fear of wondering if a book or chapter you wrote is good or not?